在血液裏, Alive in my blood, 一股沈緩而有力的勁頭, an energy slow but forceful, 在激蕩著我的靈魂, rocks my soul, 慫恿我愛上你. urging me to love you.
在血液裏? In my blood?
每當我想到我愛你的時候, when reminded of my love for you, 我就想一點一點地撕碎你, I just want to tear you apart, 然後吃掉, swallow you - 然後,消化掉, and digest you, 把你變成我。 Making you part of me. 這樣咱們就永遠不會分開. Then we’d never part.
從我遇見你, Since we first met, 在我的骨髓裏, I’ve felt in my marrow 就誕生了一群一群的欲望。 waves of desire 它們激勵我愛上你, urging on my love 向你投懷送抱。 seeking your embraces. 然後, Yet then 我又想折磨你, I want to torture you 如同用剪刀,剪你的肉, cutting you flesh with scissors 剪你的筋, and cutting your muscles
讓你疼得大聲呻吟. To hear you cry in pain. 你還真是有點變態. You are a bit perverted.
不過我知道你喜歡。 But I know you like it. 你知道我最喜歡你什麽嗎? You know what I adore most in you? 我最喜歡你的眼睛。 Your eyes. 你知道, 我看見你的眼睛我就想起什麽嗎? You know, what I think of when I see them?
我就想起了蛇。 I think of a snake.
我看見你的眼睛, But when I see your eyes, 就像看到蛇一樣. It’s like I’ve seen a snake. 真的? Really? 真的。 Yes. 我看見你的眼睛, When I see your eyes, 我就想起了太陽、大地、山川和樹木。 I think of the sun, the earth, mountains and forests. 我覺得你們都挺不自覺的, you are all so careless, 你們一點都不重視自己的童貞, not valuing your innocence, 你們總是這樣, You are always thus, 你們總是把欲望都寫在臉上。 desire written all over your faces.
這不是欲望. It’s not desire.
從生物學的角度講, biologically speaking, 那是雄性植物的花粉。 It’s just polination.
男人身上常常會有一種腥味. Men give off an odour. 對啊, That’s true, 有這種味道才對啊! such an odour is natural! 正好把你帶到這種沒有人的地方, I’ve brought you to this empty place, 煎、炒、烹、炸…… to fry, and saute, and poach…… 媽媽,親愛的媽媽, Mummy,mummy dearest, 請吻吻我的手背! Please kiss my hand! 這是怎麽回事啊? What is all this? 爸爸,親愛的爸爸, Daddy,daddy dearest, 請吻吻我的手背! Please kiss my hand! 爸爸你真好, You are so good, 你假裝把我扔在黑夜裏, pretending to cast me to the night, 扔在一張冰冷冰冷的石凳上, on to an icy stone bench, 到了早晨, When morning came, 你和我媽就早早地等在這兒, You and mummy already waiting, 等著我來, for my arrival, 還表演純真的愛情兒戲給我看. And put on this show of innocent love. 你看清楚了,我還是處男, see clearly, I’m still a virgin, 我和她還是一對金童玉女。 She and I Golden Boy and Maiden of jade. 對,是一對生過孩子的金童玉女! Yes, even if we’ve had a child!
我知道, I know, 你叫紅中, you are Hongzhong, 她叫二餅, and she is Erbing , 你們是打麻將時綁在一起的。 tied together by a mahjong game. 這個小可憐, This pathetic thing, 還裹在繈褓裏就這麽會編瞎話兒, telling lies while still a babe, 真是不知道是吃什麽長大的, whatever was he fed on? 長大後,准是個大人物。 He’ll be someone when he’s grown. 紅中,咱們還是把他揀回來吧, Hongzhong,,let’s fetch him back. 反正他都認出我們來了。 Anyhow he knows us now. 我當時就跟你說, I told you then, 別生他,你就是不聽。 Don’t bring him into this world. 他現在找來了,怎麽辦啊? Now he’s come, what can we do? 他一跑回來, With him back, 我處女的感覺就再也找不到啦。 I’ll never get back that virgin feeling. 我真想給他點奶吃。 I want him at my breast. 來, come, 寶貝! darling! 你該知道, You should know, 要是我還想有一番作爲的話, if I still have ambition, 現在怎麽能有孩子呢! how can I have a child now! 你沒有前途沒事, So what if you’ve no future, 我可以含辛茹苦把他養大, I can suffer and raise him, 讓他成爲比我們偉大得多的謊言家。 turning him into a greater liar than you or me. 我的寶貝, My darling,
把你扔在一張石凳上, for leaving you on a stone bench, 你可千萬別怪我! Please don’t blame me! 媽媽,我不怪你。 Mummy ,I don’t. 是我自己不好, It’s my own fault, 以不合法的身份來到這個世界上, Coming illegally to this world. 攪亂你和我小爸 Distracting you and my kid daddy 欺世盜名的大計劃。 From your evil plans 得了,得了, Ok, Ok , 都是你這個倒楣孩子害的! It’s all your fault, you awful child! 你自己一個人走吧, go by yourself, 我們不要你了! We don’t want you! 可是親愛的, But dearest, 你就再給我點時間, give me more time, 死,我也要 if he’s to die 讓他死得心安理得。 I want him to be at peace. 那你快點! Hurry, then! 來,孩子, Come, child, 媽媽給你說幾句話。 Listen to your mother 媽媽,我再問你, Tell me then, Mummy, 我如果活下去, If I live on, 會發生些什麽事呢? What will happen? 我的寶貝, My dear, 假如你活下去, If you live on, 你會進幼稚園, You’ll enter kindergarten, 跟老師學吃飯、學睡覺、 learing to eat and sleep from teachers, 學寫字、 learning to write 學跳舞還學唱歌兒…… and to dance and sing…… 你會是幼稚園裏長得最漂亮、 You’ll be the prettiest child 最聰明的孩子, and the brightest, 可是,老師不一定最喜歡你。 Though maybe not the teacher’s favorite 。 那爲什麽? Why? 因爲我和他, because I and he, 就是你爸爸, that is your dad, 除去會撒謊之外, aside from lies, 暫時還一無所有。 Have nothing yet. 老師會偏心那些父母有地位有錢的孩子, Teachers dote on kids of the rich and mighty, 你會受委屈的。 you would suffer 。 我能上幼稚園就已經不錯了。 I’m lucky to be in kindergarten. 那以後呢? But what’s next? 那以後你會上小學、 You’d go to primary 上中學, and middle school, 完成10年義務教育。 finish 10 years compulsory education. 這10年, For these 10 years, 家裏窮也沒關係, a poor home doesn’t matter, 反正是10年義務教育。 Anyway it’s compulsory. 你是一個樸素而上進的孩子。 You’re frugal and hard-working. 上高中的時候, In senior high, 有8名女同學 8 girls in your class
和13名男同學 and 13 boys 同時愛上了你。 Fell for you at once. 那時, by then, 你出息得一表人材, You were a strapping lad, 梳著偏分式短髮, hair short, and parted, 穿著深藍色小立領學生裝, in a blue uniform with stiff collar, 連教音樂的女老師都愛上了你。 Even the music mistress fell for you. 不過, Yet, 你是個對異性不感興趣的男人。 You felt nothing for the other sex 不不不,我可是對男女都感興趣。 No no, I go for both boys and girls. 你是說, so you’re saying, 會有8名女同學 that 8 girls 和13名男同學 and 13 boys,
還有1名女老師同時愛上我, and a woman teacher will fall for me at once, 對麽? really? 是啊! yes! 不過,那對你都是過眼雲煙。 But to you, all are fleeting souls. 你考取了大學, You enter university, 名牌的, famous ones, 北大、清華, Peking University, and Qinghua, 不上,哈佛,劍橋! But you opted for Harvard and Cambridge. 對,你可以上那些學校, Yes, you could get in, 後來又取得了碩士、博士學位, and get your MA and PhD, 因爲在你很小的時候, As while still young,, 就自願爲了我和你媽獻出了寶貴的生命。 You gave your life to me and your mum. 只要我能活到得諾貝爾獎金那麽老的年紀, so long as I reach an age for a nobel prize, 我就心滿意足啦。 I’d be content 。 到那時, By then, 也許會娶妻子, I might have a wife, 生下個像我這樣的兒子。 To bear a child like me. 你會後悔的。 You’ll regret it 到那時, By then, 我也許會理解你們爲人父母, Maybe I’ll know how parents like you feel, 却不得不親手悶死生子的心情。 When forced to smother your own child. 你現在不理解我們? You don’t now? 我不知道。 I don't know. 好了,其他的也別多說了, Ok, there’s no more to say 既然你剛才答應過我們這只是做個遊戲而已, As you promised this was just a game, 現在你該履行你的諾言了。 Now fulfil your promise. 媽媽,請告訴我, Mummy,Please tell me, 我的結局什麽樣兒,好麽? Will my end be good? 結局就是, it will be that, 你漸漸的老了, You will slowly age, 老得就像一條又老又醜的蟲子, to become like an old and ugly worm, 有一天, Then one day, 你死了, You will die, 被陌生的人裝進棺材, and be placed by strangers in a coffin, 埋進地裏。 And buried. 這就是你的一生, This is your life, 在這個早晨, And this morning, 世紀末陽光大好的早晨, A sunny morning at the century’s end, 你過完了你的全部人生。 You complete your life.
你該履行你的諾言了! It’s time to carry out your vow! 我自己去。 I’ll go alone. 爸爸,能吻我一下嗎, Daddy, can you kiss me, 像同性戀者那樣? the way gays kiss? 媽媽, Mummy, 我喜歡火, I like fire, 我想化爲美麗的火光, I want to be a pretty flame, 請求你把我火葬,行嗎? Please cremate me, OK? 這是我最後一條遺囑。 This is my last request. 沒時間了! No more time! 紅中,我已經開始有點想念他了。 Hongzhong, I’m beginning to miss him. 我也想他, me too, 可是又有什麽辦法啊, but what is there to do, 誰讓這個世道是這個樣子呐, this is how the world is, 讓我們從悲哀中擺脫出來吧! Let us escape from our grief! 哎,我以爲是領導呢! Well! I thought it was some leaders! 結果是一群穿著奇裝異服的演員。 But in fact just a crowd of oddly dressed actors. 不是他們, No, not them, 真是的, really, 浪費感情。 Wasted emotions 。 早知道是這樣, had I known this, 還不如讓我們家的孩子多活一會兒。 I’d have let our kid live on a bit longer. 紅中,你看, Look,Hongzhong 這個演員屁股上都長羽毛兒。 The actor has feathers on his backside.
請問這是天生的嗎? Are they natural? 嗯。 Yes. 想要嗎, Want some? 把它贈送給你好了! You can have them!
贈送給我? A present for me? 不行,不行。 No way. 你不就變成沒屁股的男人了嗎? You’d become a man with no bottom. 這有什麽, So what, 舊的不去新的不來。 Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 你, You, 你這個男演員, You there, actor, 光天化日之下,你也不怕別人說你耍流氓啊? Don’t you worry you’ll be called a bum ? 對不起,先生, Sorry , Sir, 我不是演員, I’m no actor, 我是導演。 I am the director. 導演? Director? 我不管你是什麽導演、 I don’t care if you’re the director 什麽編劇, or screen writer, 反正在我看來,你們都是一群騙子。 You’re all a bunch of thieves to me. 喂,你們幾個, Hey, you there, 都給我離開這裏, Be gone, all of you, 過一會,有個領導要過來巡視! We have some leader coming soon! 爲什麽? Why? 你知道這是什麽地方嗎? Do you know where you are? 過一會兒就會有一位大領導到這裏來。 There will be a senior leader here soon. 大領導最有權力, someone with real power, 最有能力的人。 Real ability. 權力就是真理。 Might is right. 你是什麽人? Who are you? 我是紅心公社、 I’m from Red Heart commune 生産二對的民兵連長, militia commander from Production Team 2, 一個自食其力的人! I make my own living! 你在這裏做什麽? What do you do here? 等待。 Wait. 等待什麽? For what? 好運氣。 Good luck. 它來了嗎? Had any? 這還用問嗎? Need you ask? 還沒, Not yet, 得跟大領導一起來。 It’ll come with the big leader. 你準備怎樣對待大領導? How do you plan to treat him? 愛上他, Fall in love, 或者賄賂他。 Or bribe him. 愛上他? In love with him?
當然不是真愛, Not for real, of course, 是表演出來的愛, Just for show, 其實在背地裏, while behind his back, 在罵他、恨他。 I’d curse and hate him. 明白了。 I see. 那賄賂呢? And bribery? 你不太像那種暴發的財主。 You don’t look a rich upstart. 哎,美人! Hey, Beauty! 是叫我嗎? Calling me? 用她, use her, 她就是我全部的財産。 She is all I have. 明白了。 I see. 不過, However, 倘若哪個領導排斥異性只愛同性, If the big shot only cares for the same sex, 怎麽辦? What then? 你是說領導是同性戀嗎? You mean the leader is gay? 沒關係, Never mind, 我頂上去。 I step in. 你? You? 對,我! Yes, me! 好,好樣兒的, Good man, 你被我選中啦! I’ve chosen you! 選中? Chosen me? 幹嘛? What for? 跟著你去演戲? To join your show? 選你作謊言大學的謊言大王。 To be King of Lies in the University of Lies. 你以爲你是誰啊! Who do you think you are! 紅中,這可是個好機會啊。 Hongzhong, it’s a great chance. 你是誰呀? who are you? 謊言女神。 The Goddess of Lies。 謊言女神? Goddess of Lies? 請問女神有何指示? Pray, what are your instructions? 我委派你, I send you, 深入由一所謊言大學, to penetrate a university of Lies, 伺機篡權, to sieze power, 然後, then, 徹底改造那所學校。 Rebuild the school. 有人嗎? Anyone there? 請開門啊! Please open up! 請問先生, Sir, 這裏是謊言大學麽? It is here university of Lies? 是的。 Yes. 請問小姐芳名! Your name, Miss? 我叫花瓣兒。 I’m called Petal. 你長得跟剛剛開放的玫瑰花瓣一模一樣。 You’re just likea rose in bloom. 請問小姐芳齡! May I ask your age? 你管我多大了! It’s not your bsuiness! 二八。 Sixteen 。 二八佳人體似酥! When the body’s like shortcake! 我來自我介紹一下, Let me introduce myself, 在下名叫地雷, I’m called landmine, 是現代舞公司副總裁。 Deputy CEO of Modern Dance Inc 。 我的名片呢? My calling card? 你就說你叫什麽名字吧。 Just tell me your name. 地雷, Landmine, 多男性、 what a masculine, 多有威力的一個好名字! Powerful name! 我特感謝我媽, I’m grateful to my mum, 她給我生下一條瘸腿, I was born lame in one leg, 同時給了我一個好名字。 And she gave me a good name. 地雷,鏗鏘有力, Landmine,strong, and wilful, 誰踩上,就炸死誰! Killing whoever step on me! 你不是大學裏的老師? Don’t you teach at the university? 我是大學老師的新學生。 I’ma new student. 你也想報名對吧? You want to enrol too? 我就是你的師兄啦。 I’d be your schoolmate. 今後, Henceforth, 我們每天都可以在一起切切磋磋地打發時光啦! We can while away our time together! 可是, But, 我本來是學芭蕾的, I used to do ballet, 如果謊言大學的學生都是跳現代舞的, If everyone here does modern dance, 我就不報名啦。 Then I won’t enrol. 別介, don’t say that, 我不過是個舞蹈愛好者, I ‘m only a dance lover, 根本沒受過專業訓練。 Never had any training. 你長著一張誠實而純潔美麗的面孔, Your face is honest, innocent and pretty, 最適宜於你的專業,莫過於說謊了。 Nothing would suit you better than lying. 爲什麽? Why? 你生來就是一個美麗的騙局呀。 You’ve been a prtty lie since birth.
你可以眼睛都不眨一眨地說謊, You could lie without batting an eyelid. 聽謊的人,卻100%對你的話信以爲真。 And 100% of those who hear you will believe you. 可是我根本不會說謊啊, But I can’t lie at all, 我能考上這所大學嗎? Can I get into this university? 考上考不上我幫你們說說不就完了嗎! I just need to say a few words on your behalf. 我根本不會說謊, But I just can’t lie, 連說真話都會臉紅。 I blush even telling the truth 。 多好的說謊材料! What great material for lies ! 連說真話都會臉紅! Blushing even when telling the truth! 一旦覺悟起來, once you wise up, 一定在說謊的時候, When you really are lying
臉不變色心不跳! Keep Cool and Don't Blush. 我不懂您的意思。 I don’t understand. 說白嘍就是, To put it plainly, 說真話都會臉紅的人 Once someone who blushes 一旦覺悟起來, when telling the truth wises up, 保准在說謊時, Then when they lie, 臉不變色心不跳。 They’ll Keep Cool and not Blush. 你是我平生遇到的 You're my first soulmate ever 第一個異性知己, from the opposite sex 走,地雷 Lets go,Landmine 我就是傾家蕩產也得請你暴吃一頓! We’ve got to splash out on a meal even if it ruins me! 不,據說我活得過於真誠, No,They say I live too earnestly, 已經比會說謊的聰明人 And I’m two centuries behind 落後兩個世紀啦。 wise guys who know how to lie. 我最想做的事是 What I want most 馬上參加說謊訓練, is to get trained up to lie 把我身上過時的純潔、高尚、 All my outmoded purity and nobility 真誠和善良,一掃而光。 sincerity and kindness will be swept away. 一掃而光? Swept away? 對,沒錯! Indeed! 草花3校長大人,您好! Greetings, Principal Grass and Flower 3! 你是誰? Who are you? 我叫地雷, I’m Landmine, 您的新學生。 Your new student. 托路子送禮進來的, Did you get in by giving gifts, 還是考試進來的? Or through the exams? 雙管齊下。 Both routes at once. 不錯,符合我的辦學方針。 Good, That’s in keeping with my ways. 上學不好好上學, Why not stick to your studies, 還帶著個女朋友? Why have you brought a girl friend? 她不是我的女朋友, She is not my girl friend, 我們剛認識。 We’ve just met. 剛認識就那麽卿卿我我的, you’ve got so familiar already, 認識久了還不互相拆嘍! You’ll be in each others arms in no time! 我們叫花瓣! We’re called petals! 花瓣,多好聽的名字啊! Petals,what a lovely name! 可是從小我們父母就不要我們了, But our parents discarded us when we were very young 我媽又找了7個丈夫, Mummy got 7 more husbands, 我爸又找了8個老婆, and daddy 8 more wives. 我掙扎著活下來, I struggled on, 挺不容易的。 It wasn’t easy. 多讓人傷感的事情啊! How distressing! 以後,你們就認我做爹! Let me be your adoptive dad! 我就當你大哥。 And I’ll be your brother. 我認你做兒子了嗎? Can I adopt you as my son? 你們到這裏來幹嘛來了啊? What are you doing here? 我們來參加說謊訓練啊! We are training to lie! 說謊訓練? Learning to lie?
可是我們倆就從來沒有學國過說謊。 But we have never learned how to lie before 。 您看看您能不能破例啊? Could you make an exception? 破例? exception ? 那好吧! OK ! 破例幹嘛啊? But why ? 我不開短訓班! I don’t do short courses ! 那,隨便。 As you wish 。 您怎麽都行。 Do what you like 。 那我只能讓你們破格錄取了。 I’d have to make an exception and admit you 。 該多少期了? Which intake is it now ? 1001期。 The 1001 。 哦。 um。 那麽你們倆被破格錄取爲1001期學生了。 So you’re both taken on for the 1001st intake 。 謝謝校長! Thank you, Sir ! 謝謝校長! Thank you, Sir! 還不去上課,跟在我屁股後做什麽? Off to your classes the, don’t hang around! 我一向最討厭馬屁精! Flattery has always irritated me !
今天晚上,你到我的別墅來, Come to my villa tonight 我給你們進行個別輔導。 I’ll give you private coaching. 不行,我們得回去給妹妹煮飯。 We can’t – we must cooked for our sister 。 妹妹? sister ? 你還有妹妹? You have a sister ? 那就一起帶來吧。 Bring her along 。 不行,她生病了。 she’s ill 。 什麽病? What’s wrong? 香水病。 Scent-itis 。 香水病? Scent-itis ? 是不是沒噴香水就渾身香汗淋漓? So that she perspires scent without spraying perfume? 嗯。 yes。 一塊帶來吧! Bring her along ! 不行不行。 Quite impossible 。 一塊帶來就一塊帶來吧。 Go on, just bring her 。 對不起,不行。 I'm sorry, we can’t 。 師生之間,大可不必過於拘泥嘛。 No need with your teacher to be so formal 。 一塊帶來! Bring her ! 可是,她得的是香水病。 But she has scent-itis 。 可是她的香水病是…… Yet her scent-itis is …… 說! Speak! 不說,特等獎學金將被原地取消。 If you don’t your super scholarship is off 特等獎學金? Super scholarship ? 多少? How much ? 視你的悟性而定。 Your senses will decide 。 少則兩千,多則兩億。 Might be two thousand, or 200 million 。 不好意思開口。 I dare not speak 。 是,是,是狐臭。 It is Body odour 。 那,我看就算了吧。 Well, then let’s forget it 。 你們倆晚上單獨來就可以了。 Just come by yourselves tonight 。 可是,我們得回家給她煮飯。 But we have to go home to cooked for her 。 自從被確診爲得了香水病,再沒有出來過, She’s never been out since the scent-itis diagnosis. 一日三餐都是我從天窗上給她吊下去。 Three meals a day I’d lower down the skylight to her 。 多好啊! How nice ! 美麗的姐姐把妹妹關起來。 The Beauty locks up her kid sister 。 由美麗的姐姐從天窗上吊下一日三餐, lowers down her meals through the skylight 再釣魚般用魚杆釣上去大便和小便。 Then, later, fishing up her shit and piss 。 多迷人的故事啊! What a touching tale ! 那今天晚上就不用來了,明天一定要來哦! OK, forget tonight, but you must come tomorrow ! 1、2、3、4、5、6、7、8、9、10! 1、2、3、4、5、6、7、8、9、10! 同學們! Schoolmates ! 稍息! At ease ! 稍息! At ease ! 立正! Attention ! 向右轉! Right turn! 向左轉! Left turn ! 右! Right! 右! Right ! 稍息! At ease ! 今天,先請兩位同學來示範扭胯和擺臀的動作。 Today We need two to demonstrate the hip twist and the bum swing。 誰來示範? Any volunteers ? 我!。 Me !。 地雷,你,還想扭胯麽? Landmine ? Want to do the hip twist ? 當然想,爲什麽不想? Sure I do, why not ? 這可是我夢寐以求的課程。 I’ve dreamed of this。 摔一跤只能加強我對形體謊言的信念。 A fall can only strengthen my faith in bodily lies。 肅靜! Silence ! 方才兩位同學扭擺得很好, The last two were great with their twists and swings , 各有各的花招,各有各的魅惑。 Each showed unique talent and special charm 。 下面我們從理論上對扭胯和擺臀作進一步研究, Now let’s look at the theory of these movements , 以期活躍我們的謊言思想。 to liven up our ideology of lying。 變變變! Bianbianbian! 到! I’m here ! 你來回答,扭胯意味著什麽? You, what does the hip twist signify ? 行走或跳扭屁股舞。 To walk or dance while twisting the bum 。 把它放到謊言語境中來進行考察呢? What’s it place in the linguistic environment of lying? 在謊言語境中? linguistic environment of lying? 老師,在謊言語境中最重要的是習慣, In that environment habit overrides all, 是撒謊的習慣。 The habit of lying 。 只要一鼓唇弄舌就謊話連篇。 Lies just flow when the mouth moves 。 這跟扭屁股沒關係。 That’n nothing to do with twisting bums。 哪位同學有不同看法? Any other views? 親愛的老師親愛的同學們, Beloved teacher and classmates, 我認爲臀部是長在大腿上的一對大眼睛。 I think the bum’s a pair of eyes growing on the thighs。 當我們要達到一個目的的時候,扭擺臀部, When we reach for a goal, we twist the bum , 就如同向對方暗送秋波兒。 As though casting a longing glance 。 但是,這要掌握好節奏, Yet ,it calls for good timing , 不能過快,不能太慢, neither too fast, nor too slow , 波長不能太短,也不能過長, The wavelength must be just right , 就那麽蜻蜓點水似的,點到爲止。 Like a dragonfly skimming the water。 還有十分重要的一點, Another important point, 扭擺這個部位的時候, When moving this part of the body, 千萬不能動了真欲。 Never let lust take hold。 要像坐懷不亂的聖人那樣無動於衷, You must stay calm like the Buddha , 但同時不能讓對方看出來。 Yet not betray this to your partner 。 至關重要的是, Most importantly, 不能只擺動腰胯上的筋與骨, it won’t do just to move muscles and bones, 還要讓其中的血脈也動蕩起來。 You have to get the pulse going 。 這樣一來, this way , 富於經驗的眼光一眼就可以看出你半真半假的樣子、 Experienced eyes will tell you are only half engaged, 半推半就的意志, The will just half engaged , 肯定會成爲你的裙下囚。 Will be entrapped beneath your skirt 。 我來補充白子的理論, Let me add to Baizi’s theory 以使之適用於男女兩性。 So it applies to both sexes, 男人擺臀,要不失威嚴。 Men twisting their bums must retain dignity 。 其要領在於更具隱蔽性。 The trick is to be more hidden 。 要將臀部收緊,使其堅硬而富於彈性。 Harden your buttocks, make them supple 在不擺動中擺動, twisting without swaying , 將挑逗異性或同性的目的和自身的飽滿欲望壓扁壓窄, And suppress your lust and gratification , 形成大小比例合規中矩的臀形。 to form a bum of appropriate proportions 。 我就能識破。 I can see through all 。 男人愈是不動聲色,愈是在搗著鬼胎。 The more controlled, the more evil a man 。 沒錯兒。 Quite so。 而且,男人下邊的那雙眼睛也不會送秋波兒。 And his lower eye cannot send flirting glances 。 論撒謊,你們的生理條件天生不夠齊全。 As to lying,Your physiology has hardly prepared you 。 尤其是這兒,扁扁平平的, Especially here ,Flat and level 在我們看來, in our view, 不是發育不良,就是早衰。 You’re either underdeveloped or already past it 。 臀部和胸部, bums and chests , 必須前後呼應、上下照顧。 Need to match 。 男人們沒有這兒,就等於沒有這兒。 A man without this, is like being without this 。 缺少了前呼後應, with no coordination , 上竄下跳的肉身條件,還配說謊麽? Without bounce in you body, you’re not fit to lie 對,白子說得有些道理。 Quite so. Bazi has a point 。 在用胯用臀說謊的天賦方面, When it comes to lying with your hips and bum, 男人的確弱于女人。 Men are no match for women 這就要求紅中和地雷每天要加強胸與臀的訓練, So Hongzhong and Landmine need daily training 爭取早日長出一對豐盈的大乳房和豐滿的大臀部, and try to develop big breasts and bum as soon as possible , 以增強謊言的魅力。 To strengthen the appeal of lies 。 紅中的個別輔導我全包。 I’ll take on Hongzhong’s coaching. 我有祖傳的秘方, I have a secret recipe , 吃下去可以使男人的乳房在10天之內長得跟孕婦一樣碩大。 Allowing men taking it to get breasts like pregnant women in just 10 days. 他的事由我來管。 I’ll deal with his affairs 。 我保證3天之後讓 And see that in 3 days he’ll 他能翹著同你一樣肥碩的屁股來上學。 come to schoolwith the same tight fleshy bum as you.。 你用什麽方法? By what means ? 掐, pinching , 揪, Squeezing , 擰, twisting , 最土不過的方法,見效也最快。 The plainest tricks, but the most effective 。 你這個醜老太婆,憑什麽打我! You ugly hag,Why do you strike me ! 就憑你是一個僞劣處女! Because you’re a fake virgin ! 肅靜! Silence ! 白子,你上課擅自打人, BaiZi ,you’ve hit someone in class , 這學期由公費生轉爲自費, now pay your own fees this term , 否則不許你上課。 Or else you’re banned from class 。 她罵了我,爲什麽不罰她? She swore at me ,Why not punish her ? 罵人的話,有些時候得聽聽。 Sometimes you have to listen to such curses. 它們往往意味著事實和真理。 They ofeten contain truth 。 那,我長得醜麽? So, am I ugly ? 不,不僅不醜,而且十分十分漂亮。 No ,quite the contrary. You’re very pretty。 哼,怎麽樣, So there! 我忠實的男性鏡子證明我又年輕又漂亮, My male mirror proves I’m young and hansdome , 你們的眼光全都老化啦。 Your eyesights are all ageing 。 走,陪我到監獄中再照照那張小白臉兒,看他怎麽說! Come with me to prison and help hold the mirror to the callow youth,See how he says ! (挎住紅中) (grasping hold of Hongzhong ) 見了他,你還會同意嫁給我麽, Once you see him ,will you still marry me , 你不會對他舊情複萌吧? Or will you old passion return ? 騙子, Mummy you swindler , 男妓! prostitute ! 你是什麽人? Who are you? 我可不是越獄的犯人! I’m no escaped prisoner. 老大爺,能給我口水喝麽? Grandpa, can I have a drink? 水沒有,只有乾淨的雪團. There’s No water,just clean snowballs. 雪也行.給我吃點吧. Snow will do. 你等等啊! Wait! 我已經一個世紀沒有喝過帶有陽光味兒的雪啦。 I’ve not tasted sunshine-flavoured snow for a century. 你,蹲了一個世紀的監獄? You’ve been in prison a century? 嗯。 Yes. 什麽罪名? For what ? 誣告。 A trumped-up charge. 是真的麽? Really? 爲什麽不上訴? Why not appeal? 我找不到我的兒子,他是唯一的證人。 I can’t find my son. He is the only witness. 滿大街的男孩子, So many boys on the street. 隨手拉過來一個,給他10塊錢,讓他作個僞證不就行啦! Anyone will bear false witness, just pay him 10 yuan. 他比我有錢。 He is richer than me. 誰?他是誰? Who? Who is he? 我從前的情夫。他綁上了一個富婆, My ex-lover. He kidnapped a rich woman 還把我的母校給買了下來,就是你在清掃的這片地方。 and bought my old school where you are cleaning now. 過去,這裏叫草花3謊言大學, In the past it was called Caohua 3 Lie University. 那時候, At that time, 我們的草花3校長年輕、帥氣, our headmaster Caohua 3 was young and handsome , 渾身上下散發著唯有風流倜儻的男人才有的浪漫氣息。 emitting the tinge which only a romantic man has. 我是他這兒1001期學生 I was a student here from Grade 1001. 可惜,他爲錢把這裏賣給了我的前度情夫。 Alas he sold this place to my ex-lover for money. 你、你是二餅? You, you are Erbing? 你怎麽知道? How can you tell? 我是草花3呐! I am Caohua 3. 你,是草花3校長? You are the headmaster Caohua 3? 故人相見,沒想到都是淪落至此呀。 I didn’t expect that we meet in such a situation. 你不是得了一大筆錢麽,爲何也淪落到這等地步? didn’t you make a stack of money? How did you fall to this? 嗨,人一有了地位, Well, once you make it, 別人就巴結你。 People come fawning, 你一有了錢,就會去巴結別人。 And once you’re rich, you fawn over others. 這話怎麽講? What do you mean? 有錢人除去錢一無所有。 The rich have nothing but money. 沒錢的人他就過來巴結你. Those with nothing come fawning on you. 到了最後有錢的人也變成沒錢的人了. So in the end the rivh too have nothing. 真慘呐! How tragic.
你是厭倦了金錢,抛棄它而寧願掃大街麽? You are sick of money, and you’d rather be a street cleaner? 誰說我願意掃大街的? Who said that? 我的錢全部被那個說起話來像羔羊似的小美女給騙走啦。 I was cheated of all my money by that lamb-like wench. 不可能吧! Surely not. 您是堂堂的謊言教育專家,怎麽會被她騙倒呢? You’re a professor of lying. How could she cheat you? 她說爲她妹妹治香水病, She said it was to cure her sister’s scent-it is 我就把錢都給她了。 So I gave her all. 真是太可笑了. How ridiculous. 她根本就沒有什麽妹妹, She has no sister at all. 只有一隻叫丹佛的小公狗, Just a dog named Denver. 那狗還有狐臭。 Reeking of Body odour. 您怎麽能被一個小女人騙倒呐! How could she cheatyou so easily? 你不是也一樣? You’re one to talk. 相好了一個多世紀的情人,說跟人家走就跟人家走了。 To have a lover leave you foranother after a century together . 你在這裏等著看吧, You wait here and see, 一會兒他就會來, he will come soon, 還會帶著他花枝招展的小媽來這裏舉行隆重的儀式. and bring his gorgeously dressed young mom for a ceremony. 我知道,就是爲了在這一天見見他輝煌的樣子, I know.It was to see him in this brilliant moment 我才騙過了所有的獄卒,勝利大逃亡。 I escaped from my prison guards. 你是越獄的逃犯! you an escaped prisoner? 您怎麽還這樣啊? Don’t act like that. 哈羅,紅中校長,今天怎麽又結婚呀? Hello, headmaster Hongzhong, marrying again? 上次娶了個老太婆, Last time it was an old lady 這回又娶來個小姑娘. This time a virgin girl. 哈哈哈哈,膽兒小如鼠的小新嫁娘, Haha, a young bride as timid as a mouse, 別害怕,你老公犯了重婚罪都不怕, Fear not. The crime of bigamy doesn’t bother your husband 你怕什麽! why should you worry? 重婚? Bigamy? 我這麽高貴,有身份, A superior man like me, 有地位的人能重婚嗎? could I be married twice over ?
白子,你告訴她,我懶得同這種人多話! Baizi, tell her. I don’t want to waste my breath. 我,和他已經離啦,離婚證書在我懷裏。 He and I are divorced. The document is in my lap . 因爲我謀害前夫。 The reason is I murdered my last husband. 我自願解除婚約, I freely annul this marriage. 雖然我還深愛著他。 Though I still love him 只要能保住這條老命, just let me hold on to this life 我寧願給他們當使喚丫頭。 And I’d willingly be their servant. 嘻嘻,花瓣,把舌頭伸出來給我看! My petal, show me your tongue 您看您多不檢點. How improper you are . 請,請伸出那條有幸被巨國大帝咬過的小舌頭! Please, show me the tongue that the emperor bit! 白子,還不過來. Baizi, come over. 么雞老師怎麽怎麽了. What’s up with teacher Yaoji? 她口吐百沫,暈過去了. She’s frothing, and has fainted .
那變變變是怎麽了. What about Bianbianbian? 他偷了么雞的錢包跑了. He’s run off with Yaoji’s purse . 好了,繼續我和花瓣小姐的婚禮吧. Ok, continue with my wedding to Miss Petal . 白子,奏樂. Bai Zi, play! 跪什麽跪,我過去是你們的同窗 Don’t kneel. I used to be your classmate, 現在是阿拉伯的酋長. Though now an Arab sheikh. 我們不敢. we dare not 我的小花瓣兒, My little petal, 上個世紀,我們好像很談得來。 We got on so well in the last century. 說,你心裏在想什麽? So, what’s on your mind now?
我,我想帶著我的新婚丈夫一起嫁給你。 I, I want me and my new husband both wedded to you. 你不是一直都暗戀著我麽? Have you not loved me silently all along ? 只是,那個時候你有一些生理缺陷。 But then you had some physical defects. 現在,地位和財富彌補了那些無關緊要的瑕疵。 Now your position and wealth make up for such flaws. 所以,我想我還是嫁給你的好,連同我的新婚丈夫。 So I think it’s better if I marry you, along with my new husband . 嘻嘻,嘻嘻,自從升了官, Heehee , since being promoted, 這類掉餡餅的事兒接二連三,砸得我暈頭轉向。 such manna from heaven have been knocking me dizzy. 好吧,一起嫁過來吧。 Ok , I’ll marry you both. 不過,你可不許背著我與他偷情。 but no hanky-panky with him behind my back! 看你,嫉妒鬼,不會的, How jealous of you. That won’t happen, . 他一見了當官的有錢的,立即性無能。 With anyone rich and mighty present he goes impotent immediately.
可以理解,可以理解, That’s understandable. 大凡男權社會的男人,都有這種通病。 In a sexist male society, that’s a common illness. 車馬炮,上! Chemapao, come here! 是! Yes sir! 紅中,站到這兒來! Hongzhong, over here! 這兒,用你的臭手托起總理大人的尾巴! Hold up the grand minister’s tail with your stinking hands. 聽好,我宣佈婚禮開始,你得給我們當管風琴! Listen all, this wedding now begins. Start the music! 是是是,奏響婚禮進行曲! Ok ok, strike up the wedding march! 久違了,二餅女士. It’s been a while, Miss Erbing 我不是二餅. I’m not Erbing. 紅中校長,你也久違了. Headmaster, it’s been a long time. 還記得今天是什麽日子嗎? Remember what day this is? 看看這是誰? Look who’s here. 我不認識他. I don’t know him! 是他! It’s him? 爸比,是我呀,不認識了嗎, Daddy, it's me! Have you forgotten? 我是你的私生子! I am your bastard son! 媽媽,是我呀,我是你的私生子! Mom, it's me!! Your bastard son. 我不認識你. I don’t know you. 媽咪,爸比,我真想你們! Mummy, Daddy, I’ve missed you so! 沒想到我今生今世還能見到你們! I never thought we’d meet again. 爸比,多想您呀, Daddy, I’ve miss you. 你怎麽連封信你都不給我寫.就連E-mail都不給我發? Why didn't you ever write to me, or email me?
太忙了! Too busy! 忙什麽啊,有什麽可忙的啊! What with? 你看到這些人了嗎? See these people? 每一個都得應酬,每一個人都得騙. Each has to be entertained, and deceived. 我在樂園裏面長大,什麽是欺騙我都沒有見過.什麽是欺騙 I grew up in a pleasure garden, and know nothing of deceit. 欺騙是什麽,長得很漂亮,像天上的彩雲那麽美麽? What is it ? Is it beautiful, like colorful clouds in the sky? 我的寶貝兒。在天上應有盡有的好東西, Yes, my dear. The heavens contain many fine things, 在地球上都由應有盡有的壞東西來作代用品。 Though the many earthly substitutes are horrid . 有什麽爲證據. Do you have proof? 比如說,比如說, Let us take, 比如說,這個東西就是惡的東西. For exmple, this, an evil thing. 拿著它,只要你恨誰,就對著他. you can hold it and point at those you hate, 用手一扣扳機,就可以解決了. Pull the trigger, and all is resolved 好東西! Good stuff! 我聽仙子說,人分成男女。 the fairy says people are either men and women. 你們誰是男誰是女? Which of these are you? 我是男! I’m a man. 我是女! I’m a woman. 你願意成爲女人麽? You want to be a woman? 當然不願意。現在是男權社會, Oh no. Not in this male dominated society, 女權主義的時代還沒有到來。 The feminism age has yet to come. 只好讓你死吧! We’ll have to let you die! 你願意變成女人嗎? Do you want to be a woman? 我、我願意,只要你別殺我. I…I will. Just don’t kill me. 那麽,你說說你當了女人之後幹些什麽? So, tell me what you’ll do once you are a woman. 像你媽咪那樣到男子監獄中去清掃衛生,帶孩子! I’ll clean the men’s prison like your mum, and raise kids. 女人一輩子就只有這些事情可幹了. That’s all women can do in life.
不願意浪費子彈,看哪里乾淨撞死去. Not worth the bullet. Just find a clean spot and drop dead.
你是誰? Who are you ? 你是女人? You’re a woman? 你想變成男人嗎? You want to become a man? 不! No! 爲什麽? Why? 男人沒一個好人,個個貪財又好色,男人是罪惡的根源。 No man is good, all greedy and lustful. They are the source of evil. 說我幹嘛? Why scold me? 吊死去! Go Hang oneself 親愛的二餅媽媽! My dear mother! 我是你的兒子,是男性對吧? I am your son, so a boy, right? 這事你早就知道. You know that already! 你願意做變性手術,跟我一起過男人的生活嗎? You want a sex-change, and lead a man’s life with me? 讓我想想! Let me think. 你的時間也許不多啦。 You don’t have much time. 那我也隨你爹去了. I’ll loin your dad then. 我可不怕死. I don’t fear death. 怕死不是二餅媽媽. If I do I’ m not Mama Erbing. 你自刎去吧! Go Kill yourself. 你,多好,爲我的纖纖素手而歡笑。 You’re lucky, rejoicing in my delicate hands. 還記得麽,你愛上我的時候, Remember, when you fell for me, 你還穿著開檔褲。 you were still in slit-bottom pants. 我妹妹正巧得了香水病, My sister happens to have scent-itis, 你聞到那味兒就哭,大聲哭,像方才那樣。 whenever you smell her, you cry, like just now. 香水病,像法國香水那麽香的病麽? Scent-itis, an illness as sweet-smelling as french perfume? 走吧, Let’s go. 只有我對你的愛和尚未貶值的鈔票是唯一可以信賴的東西。 only my love for you and bank notes not yet de-valued are to be trusted. 還有可以信賴的東西,就是你。 The one other thing we can trust, is you, 我留下你,沒有給你當胸一槍,就是爲了這個時刻。 The reason I have not shot you is for this moment. 你,你是說,這個時刻,是你一直期待的麽? So, you are saying you’ve been waiting for this moment? 對,把一切謊言都掃蕩得一乾二淨。 Yes, to make a clean sweep of all lies. 僅僅剩下你和我, Only you and me, 兩個從一見面起就相互欺騙又相互愛戀的人。 Two who have deceived, and love each other from the start. 你果真愛我麽? You really love me? 對,愛你,愛僞裝之中的你。 Yes, I love you, you in your disguise. 這一次,我可是被你騙倒了。 This time, your lies have brought me down.
Keep Cool and Don't Blush
在血液裏,
Alive in my blood,
一股沈緩而有力的勁頭,
an energy slow but forceful,
在激蕩著我的靈魂,
rocks my soul,
慫恿我愛上你.
urging me to love you.
在血液裏?
In my blood?
每當我想到我愛你的時候,
when reminded of my love for you,
我就想一點一點地撕碎你,
I just want to tear you apart,
然後吃掉,
swallow you -
然後,消化掉,
and digest you,
把你變成我。
Making you part of me.
這樣咱們就永遠不會分開.
Then we’d never part.
從我遇見你,
Since we first met,
在我的骨髓裏,
I’ve felt in my marrow
就誕生了一群一群的欲望。
waves of desire
它們激勵我愛上你,
urging on my love
向你投懷送抱。
seeking your embraces.
然後,
Yet then
我又想折磨你,
I want to torture you
如同用剪刀,剪你的肉,
cutting you flesh with scissors
剪你的筋,
and cutting your muscles
讓你疼得大聲呻吟.
To hear you cry in pain.
你還真是有點變態.
You are a bit perverted.
不過我知道你喜歡。
But I know you like it.
你知道我最喜歡你什麽嗎?
You know what I adore most in you?
我最喜歡你的眼睛。
Your eyes.
你知道, 我看見你的眼睛我就想起什麽嗎?
You know, what I think of when I see them?
我就想起了蛇。
I think of a snake.
我看見你的眼睛,
But when I see your eyes,
就像看到蛇一樣.
It’s like I’ve seen a snake.
真的?
Really?
真的。
Yes.
我看見你的眼睛,
When I see your eyes,
我就想起了太陽、大地、山川和樹木。
I think of the sun, the earth, mountains and forests.
我覺得你們都挺不自覺的,
you are all so careless,
你們一點都不重視自己的童貞,
not valuing your innocence,
你們總是這樣,
You are always thus,
你們總是把欲望都寫在臉上。
desire written all over your faces.
這不是欲望.
It’s not desire.
從生物學的角度講,
biologically speaking,
那是雄性植物的花粉。
It’s just polination.
男人身上常常會有一種腥味.
Men give off an odour.
對啊,
That’s true,
有這種味道才對啊!
such an odour is natural!
正好把你帶到這種沒有人的地方,
I’ve brought you to this empty place,
煎、炒、烹、炸……
to fry, and saute, and poach……
媽媽,親愛的媽媽,
Mummy,mummy dearest,
請吻吻我的手背!
Please kiss my hand!
這是怎麽回事啊?
What is all this?
爸爸,親愛的爸爸,
Daddy,daddy dearest,
請吻吻我的手背!
Please kiss my hand!
爸爸你真好,
You are so good,
你假裝把我扔在黑夜裏,
pretending to cast me to the night,
扔在一張冰冷冰冷的石凳上,
on to an icy stone bench,
到了早晨,
When morning came,
你和我媽就早早地等在這兒,
You and mummy already waiting,
等著我來,
for my arrival,
還表演純真的愛情兒戲給我看.
And put on this show of innocent love.
你看清楚了,我還是處男,
see clearly, I’m still a virgin,
我和她還是一對金童玉女。
She and I Golden Boy and Maiden of jade.
對,是一對生過孩子的金童玉女!
Yes, even if we’ve had a child!
我知道,
I know,
你叫紅中,
you are Hongzhong,
她叫二餅,
and she is Erbing ,
你們是打麻將時綁在一起的。
tied together by a mahjong game.
這個小可憐,
This pathetic thing,
還裹在繈褓裏就這麽會編瞎話兒,
telling lies while still a babe,
真是不知道是吃什麽長大的,
whatever was he fed on?
長大後,准是個大人物。
He’ll be someone when he’s grown.
紅中,咱們還是把他揀回來吧,
Hongzhong,,let’s fetch him back.
反正他都認出我們來了。
Anyhow he knows us now.
我當時就跟你說,
I told you then,
別生他,你就是不聽。
Don’t bring him into this world.
他現在找來了,怎麽辦啊?
Now he’s come, what can we do?
他一跑回來,
With him back,
我處女的感覺就再也找不到啦。
I’ll never get back that virgin feeling.
我真想給他點奶吃。
I want him at my breast.
來,
come,
寶貝!
darling!
你該知道,
You should know,
要是我還想有一番作爲的話,
if I still have ambition,
現在怎麽能有孩子呢!
how can I have a child now!
你沒有前途沒事,
So what if you’ve no future,
我可以含辛茹苦把他養大,
I can suffer and raise him,
讓他成爲比我們偉大得多的謊言家。
turning him into a greater liar than you or me.
我的寶貝,
My darling,
把你扔在一張石凳上,
for leaving you on a stone bench,
你可千萬別怪我!
Please don’t blame me!
媽媽,我不怪你。
Mummy ,I don’t.
是我自己不好,
It’s my own fault,
以不合法的身份來到這個世界上,
Coming illegally to this world.
攪亂你和我小爸
Distracting you and my kid daddy
欺世盜名的大計劃。
From your evil plans
得了,得了,
Ok, Ok ,
都是你這個倒楣孩子害的!
It’s all your fault, you awful child!
你自己一個人走吧,
go by yourself,
我們不要你了!
We don’t want you!
可是親愛的,
But dearest,
你就再給我點時間,
give me more time,
死,我也要
if he’s to die
讓他死得心安理得。
I want him to be at peace.
那你快點!
Hurry, then!
來,孩子,
Come, child,
媽媽給你說幾句話。
Listen to your mother
媽媽,我再問你,
Tell me then, Mummy,
我如果活下去,
If I live on,
會發生些什麽事呢?
What will happen?
我的寶貝,
My dear,
假如你活下去,
If you live on,
你會進幼稚園,
You’ll enter kindergarten,
跟老師學吃飯、學睡覺、
learing to eat and sleep from teachers,
學寫字、
learning to write
學跳舞還學唱歌兒……
and to dance and sing……
你會是幼稚園裏長得最漂亮、
You’ll be the prettiest child
最聰明的孩子,
and the brightest,
可是,老師不一定最喜歡你。
Though maybe not the teacher’s favorite 。
那爲什麽?
Why?
因爲我和他,
because I and he,
就是你爸爸,
that is your dad,
除去會撒謊之外,
aside from lies,
暫時還一無所有。
Have nothing yet.
老師會偏心那些父母有地位有錢的孩子,
Teachers dote on kids of the rich and mighty,
你會受委屈的。
you would suffer 。
我能上幼稚園就已經不錯了。
I’m lucky to be in kindergarten.
那以後呢?
But what’s next?
那以後你會上小學、
You’d go to primary
上中學,
and middle school,
完成10年義務教育。
finish 10 years compulsory education.
這10年,
For these 10 years,
家裏窮也沒關係,
a poor home doesn’t matter,
反正是10年義務教育。
Anyway it’s compulsory.
你是一個樸素而上進的孩子。
You’re frugal and hard-working.
上高中的時候,
In senior high,
有8名女同學
8 girls in your class
和13名男同學
and 13 boys
同時愛上了你。
Fell for you at once.
那時,
by then,
你出息得一表人材,
You were a strapping lad,
梳著偏分式短髮,
hair short, and parted,
穿著深藍色小立領學生裝,
in a blue uniform with stiff collar,
連教音樂的女老師都愛上了你。
Even the music mistress fell for you.
不過,
Yet,
你是個對異性不感興趣的男人。
You felt nothing for the other sex
不不不,我可是對男女都感興趣。
No no, I go for both boys and girls.
你是說,
so you’re saying,
會有8名女同學
that 8 girls
和13名男同學
and 13 boys,
還有1名女老師同時愛上我,
and a woman teacher will fall for me at once,
對麽?
really?
是啊!
yes!
不過,那對你都是過眼雲煙。
But to you, all are fleeting souls.
你考取了大學,
You enter university,
名牌的,
famous ones,
北大、清華,
Peking University, and Qinghua,
不上,哈佛,劍橋!
But you opted for Harvard and Cambridge.
對,你可以上那些學校,
Yes, you could get in,
後來又取得了碩士、博士學位,
and get your MA and PhD,
因爲在你很小的時候,
As while still young,,
就自願爲了我和你媽獻出了寶貴的生命。
You gave your life to me and your mum.
只要我能活到得諾貝爾獎金那麽老的年紀,
so long as I reach an age for a nobel prize,
我就心滿意足啦。
I’d be content 。
到那時,
By then,
也許會娶妻子,
I might have a wife,
生下個像我這樣的兒子。
To bear a child like me.
你會後悔的。
You’ll regret it
到那時,
By then,
我也許會理解你們爲人父母,
Maybe I’ll know how parents like you feel,
却不得不親手悶死生子的心情。
When forced to smother your own child.
你現在不理解我們?
You don’t now?
我不知道。
I don't know.
好了,其他的也別多說了,
Ok, there’s no more to say
既然你剛才答應過我們這只是做個遊戲而已,
As you promised this was just a game,
現在你該履行你的諾言了。
Now fulfil your promise.
媽媽,請告訴我,
Mummy,Please tell me,
我的結局什麽樣兒,好麽?
Will my end be good?
結局就是,
it will be that,
你漸漸的老了,
You will slowly age,
老得就像一條又老又醜的蟲子,
to become like an old and ugly worm,
有一天,
Then one day,
你死了,
You will die,
被陌生的人裝進棺材,
and be placed by strangers in a coffin,
埋進地裏。
And buried.
這就是你的一生,
This is your life,
在這個早晨,
And this morning,
世紀末陽光大好的早晨,
A sunny morning at the century’s end,
你過完了你的全部人生。
You complete your life.
你該履行你的諾言了!
It’s time to carry out your vow!
我自己去。
I’ll go alone.
爸爸,能吻我一下嗎,
Daddy, can you kiss me,
像同性戀者那樣?
the way gays kiss?
媽媽,
Mummy,
我喜歡火,
I like fire,
我想化爲美麗的火光,
I want to be a pretty flame,
請求你把我火葬,行嗎?
Please cremate me, OK?
這是我最後一條遺囑。
This is my last request.
沒時間了!
No more time!
紅中,我已經開始有點想念他了。
Hongzhong, I’m beginning to miss him.
我也想他,
me too,
可是又有什麽辦法啊,
but what is there to do,
誰讓這個世道是這個樣子呐,
this is how the world is,
讓我們從悲哀中擺脫出來吧!
Let us escape from our grief!
哎,我以爲是領導呢!
Well! I thought it was some leaders!
結果是一群穿著奇裝異服的演員。
But in fact just a crowd of oddly dressed actors.
不是他們,
No, not them,
真是的,
really,
浪費感情。
Wasted emotions 。
早知道是這樣,
had I known this,
還不如讓我們家的孩子多活一會兒。
I’d have let our kid live on a bit longer.
紅中,你看,
Look,Hongzhong
這個演員屁股上都長羽毛兒。
The actor has feathers on his backside.
請問這是天生的嗎?
Are they natural?
嗯。
Yes.
想要嗎,
Want some?
把它贈送給你好了!
You can have them!
贈送給我?
A present for me?
不行,不行。
No way.
你不就變成沒屁股的男人了嗎?
You’d become a man with no bottom.
這有什麽,
So what,
舊的不去新的不來。
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
你,
You,
你這個男演員,
You there, actor,
光天化日之下,你也不怕別人說你耍流氓啊?
Don’t you worry you’ll be called a bum ?
對不起,先生,
Sorry , Sir,
我不是演員,
I’m no actor,
我是導演。
I am the director.
導演?
Director?
我不管你是什麽導演、
I don’t care if you’re the director
什麽編劇,
or screen writer,
反正在我看來,你們都是一群騙子。
You’re all a bunch of thieves to me.
喂,你們幾個,
Hey, you there,
都給我離開這裏,
Be gone, all of you,
過一會,有個領導要過來巡視!
We have some leader coming soon!
爲什麽?
Why?
你知道這是什麽地方嗎?
Do you know where you are?
過一會兒就會有一位大領導到這裏來。
There will be a senior leader here soon.
大領導最有權力,
someone with real power,
最有能力的人。
Real ability.
權力就是真理。
Might is right.
你是什麽人?
Who are you?
我是紅心公社、
I’m from Red Heart commune
生産二對的民兵連長,
militia commander from Production Team 2,
一個自食其力的人!
I make my own living!
你在這裏做什麽?
What do you do here?
等待。
Wait.
等待什麽?
For what?
好運氣。
Good luck.
它來了嗎?
Had any?
這還用問嗎?
Need you ask?
還沒,
Not yet,
得跟大領導一起來。
It’ll come with the big leader.
你準備怎樣對待大領導?
How do you plan to treat him?
愛上他,
Fall in love,
或者賄賂他。
Or bribe him.
愛上他?
In love with him?
當然不是真愛,
Not for real, of course,
是表演出來的愛,
Just for show,
其實在背地裏,
while behind his back,
在罵他、恨他。
I’d curse and hate him.
明白了。
I see.
那賄賂呢?
And bribery?
你不太像那種暴發的財主。
You don’t look a rich upstart.
哎,美人!
Hey, Beauty!
是叫我嗎?
Calling me?
用她,
use her,
她就是我全部的財産。
She is all I have.
明白了。
I see.
不過,
However,
倘若哪個領導排斥異性只愛同性,
If the big shot only cares for the same sex,
怎麽辦?
What then?
你是說領導是同性戀嗎?
You mean the leader is gay?
沒關係,
Never mind,
我頂上去。
I step in.
你?
You?
對,我!
Yes, me!
好,好樣兒的,
Good man,
你被我選中啦!
I’ve chosen you!
選中?
Chosen me?
幹嘛?
What for?
跟著你去演戲?
To join your show?
選你作謊言大學的謊言大王。
To be King of Lies in the University of Lies.
你以爲你是誰啊!
Who do you think you are!
紅中,這可是個好機會啊。
Hongzhong, it’s a great chance.
你是誰呀?
who are you?
謊言女神。
The Goddess of Lies。
謊言女神?
Goddess of Lies?
請問女神有何指示?
Pray, what are your instructions?
我委派你,
I send you,
深入由一所謊言大學,
to penetrate a university of Lies,
伺機篡權,
to sieze power,
然後,
then,
徹底改造那所學校。
Rebuild the school.
有人嗎?
Anyone there?
請開門啊!
Please open up!
請問先生,
Sir,
這裏是謊言大學麽?
It is here university of Lies?
是的。
Yes.
請問小姐芳名!
Your name, Miss?
我叫花瓣兒。
I’m called Petal.
你長得跟剛剛開放的玫瑰花瓣一模一樣。
You’re just likea rose in bloom.
請問小姐芳齡!
May I ask your age?
你管我多大了!
It’s not your bsuiness!
二八。
Sixteen 。
二八佳人體似酥!
When the body’s like shortcake!
我來自我介紹一下,
Let me introduce myself,
在下名叫地雷,
I’m called landmine,
是現代舞公司副總裁。
Deputy CEO of Modern Dance Inc 。
我的名片呢?
My calling card?
你就說你叫什麽名字吧。
Just tell me your name.
地雷,
Landmine,
多男性、
what a masculine,
多有威力的一個好名字!
Powerful name!
我特感謝我媽,
I’m grateful to my mum,
她給我生下一條瘸腿,
I was born lame in one leg,
同時給了我一個好名字。
And she gave me a good name.
地雷,鏗鏘有力,
Landmine,strong, and wilful,
誰踩上,就炸死誰!
Killing whoever step on me!
你不是大學裏的老師?
Don’t you teach at the university?
我是大學老師的新學生。
I’ma new student.
你也想報名對吧?
You want to enrol too?
我就是你的師兄啦。
I’d be your schoolmate.
今後,
Henceforth,
我們每天都可以在一起切切磋磋地打發時光啦!
We can while away our time together!
可是,
But,
我本來是學芭蕾的,
I used to do ballet,
如果謊言大學的學生都是跳現代舞的,
If everyone here does modern dance,
我就不報名啦。
Then I won’t enrol.
別介,
don’t say that,
我不過是個舞蹈愛好者,
I ‘m only a dance lover,
根本沒受過專業訓練。
Never had any training.
你長著一張誠實而純潔美麗的面孔,
Your face is honest, innocent and pretty,
最適宜於你的專業,莫過於說謊了。
Nothing would suit you better than lying.
爲什麽?
Why?
你生來就是一個美麗的騙局呀。
You’ve been a prtty lie since birth.
你可以眼睛都不眨一眨地說謊,
You could lie without batting an eyelid.
聽謊的人,卻100%對你的話信以爲真。
And 100% of those who hear you will believe you.
可是我根本不會說謊啊,
But I can’t lie at all,
我能考上這所大學嗎?
Can I get into this university?
考上考不上我幫你們說說不就完了嗎!
I just need to say a few words on your behalf.
我根本不會說謊,
But I just can’t lie,
連說真話都會臉紅。
I blush even telling the truth 。
多好的說謊材料!
What great material for lies !
連說真話都會臉紅!
Blushing even when telling the truth!
一旦覺悟起來,
once you wise up,
一定在說謊的時候,
When you really are lying
臉不變色心不跳!
Keep Cool and Don't Blush.
我不懂您的意思。
I don’t understand.
說白嘍就是,
To put it plainly,
說真話都會臉紅的人
Once someone who blushes
一旦覺悟起來,
when telling the truth wises up,
保准在說謊時,
Then when they lie,
臉不變色心不跳。
They’ll Keep Cool and not Blush.
你是我平生遇到的
You're my first soulmate ever
第一個異性知己,
from the opposite sex
走,地雷
Lets go,Landmine
我就是傾家蕩產也得請你暴吃一頓!
We’ve got to splash out on a meal even if it ruins me!
不,據說我活得過於真誠,
No,They say I live too earnestly,
已經比會說謊的聰明人
And I’m two centuries behind
落後兩個世紀啦。
wise guys who know how to lie.
我最想做的事是
What I want most
馬上參加說謊訓練,
is to get trained up to lie
把我身上過時的純潔、高尚、
All my outmoded purity and nobility
真誠和善良,一掃而光。
sincerity and kindness will be swept away.
一掃而光?
Swept away?
對,沒錯!
Indeed!
草花3校長大人,您好!
Greetings, Principal Grass and Flower 3!
你是誰?
Who are you?
我叫地雷,
I’m Landmine,
您的新學生。
Your new student.
托路子送禮進來的,
Did you get in by giving gifts,
還是考試進來的?
Or through the exams?
雙管齊下。
Both routes at once.
不錯,符合我的辦學方針。
Good, That’s in keeping with my ways.
上學不好好上學,
Why not stick to your studies,
還帶著個女朋友?
Why have you brought a girl friend?
她不是我的女朋友,
She is not my girl friend,
我們剛認識。
We’ve just met.
剛認識就那麽卿卿我我的,
you’ve got so familiar already,
認識久了還不互相拆嘍!
You’ll be in each others arms in no time!
我們叫花瓣!
We’re called petals!
花瓣,多好聽的名字啊!
Petals,what a lovely name!
可是從小我們父母就不要我們了,
But our parents discarded us when we were very young
我媽又找了7個丈夫,
Mummy got 7 more husbands,
我爸又找了8個老婆,
and daddy 8 more wives.
我掙扎著活下來,
I struggled on,
挺不容易的。
It wasn’t easy.
多讓人傷感的事情啊!
How distressing!
以後,你們就認我做爹!
Let me be your adoptive dad!
我就當你大哥。
And I’ll be your brother.
我認你做兒子了嗎?
Can I adopt you as my son?
你們到這裏來幹嘛來了啊?
What are you doing here?
我們來參加說謊訓練啊!
We are training to lie!
說謊訓練?
Learning to lie?
可是我們倆就從來沒有學國過說謊。
But we have never learned how to lie before 。
您看看您能不能破例啊?
Could you make an exception?
破例?
exception ?
那好吧!
OK !
破例幹嘛啊?
But why ?
我不開短訓班!
I don’t do short courses !
那,隨便。
As you wish 。
您怎麽都行。
Do what you like 。
那我只能讓你們破格錄取了。
I’d have to make an exception and admit you 。
該多少期了?
Which intake is it now ?
1001期。
The 1001 。
哦。
um。
那麽你們倆被破格錄取爲1001期學生了。
So you’re both taken on for the 1001st intake 。
謝謝校長!
Thank you, Sir !
謝謝校長!
Thank you, Sir!
還不去上課,跟在我屁股後做什麽?
Off to your classes the, don’t hang around!
我一向最討厭馬屁精!
Flattery has always irritated me !
今天晚上,你到我的別墅來,
Come to my villa tonight
我給你們進行個別輔導。
I’ll give you private coaching.
不行,我們得回去給妹妹煮飯。
We can’t – we must cooked for our sister 。
妹妹?
sister ?
你還有妹妹?
You have a sister ?
那就一起帶來吧。
Bring her along 。
不行,她生病了。
she’s ill 。
什麽病?
What’s wrong?
香水病。
Scent-itis 。
香水病?
Scent-itis ?
是不是沒噴香水就渾身香汗淋漓?
So that she perspires scent without spraying perfume?
嗯。
yes。
一塊帶來吧!
Bring her along !
不行不行。
Quite impossible 。
一塊帶來就一塊帶來吧。
Go on, just bring her 。
對不起,不行。
I'm sorry, we can’t 。
師生之間,大可不必過於拘泥嘛。
No need with your teacher to be so formal 。
一塊帶來!
Bring her !
可是,她得的是香水病。
But she has scent-itis 。
可是她的香水病是……
Yet her scent-itis is ……
說!
Speak!
不說,特等獎學金將被原地取消。
If you don’t your super scholarship is off
特等獎學金?
Super scholarship ?
多少?
How much ?
視你的悟性而定。
Your senses will decide 。
少則兩千,多則兩億。
Might be two thousand, or 200 million 。
不好意思開口。
I dare not speak 。
是,是,是狐臭。
It is Body odour 。
那,我看就算了吧。
Well, then let’s forget it 。
你們倆晚上單獨來就可以了。
Just come by yourselves tonight 。
可是,我們得回家給她煮飯。
But we have to go home to cooked for her 。
自從被確診爲得了香水病,再沒有出來過,
She’s never been out since the scent-itis diagnosis.
一日三餐都是我從天窗上給她吊下去。
Three meals a day I’d lower down the skylight to her 。
多好啊!
How nice !
美麗的姐姐把妹妹關起來。
The Beauty locks up her kid sister 。
由美麗的姐姐從天窗上吊下一日三餐,
lowers down her meals through the skylight
再釣魚般用魚杆釣上去大便和小便。
Then, later, fishing up her shit and piss 。
多迷人的故事啊!
What a touching tale !
那今天晚上就不用來了,明天一定要來哦!
OK, forget tonight, but you must come tomorrow !
1、2、3、4、5、6、7、8、9、10!
1、2、3、4、5、6、7、8、9、10!
同學們!
Schoolmates !
稍息!
At ease !
稍息!
At ease !
立正!
Attention !
向右轉!
Right turn!
向左轉!
Left turn !
右!
Right!
右!
Right !
稍息!
At ease !
今天,先請兩位同學來示範扭胯和擺臀的動作。
Today We need two to demonstrate the hip twist and the bum swing。
誰來示範?
Any volunteers ?
我!。
Me !。
地雷,你,還想扭胯麽?
Landmine ? Want to do the hip twist ?
當然想,爲什麽不想?
Sure I do, why not ?
這可是我夢寐以求的課程。
I’ve dreamed of this。
摔一跤只能加強我對形體謊言的信念。
A fall can only strengthen my faith in bodily lies。
肅靜!
Silence !
方才兩位同學扭擺得很好,
The last two were great with their twists and swings ,
各有各的花招,各有各的魅惑。
Each showed unique talent and special charm 。
下面我們從理論上對扭胯和擺臀作進一步研究,
Now let’s look at the theory of these movements ,
以期活躍我們的謊言思想。
to liven up our ideology of lying。
變變變!
Bianbianbian!
到!
I’m here !
你來回答,扭胯意味著什麽?
You, what does the hip twist signify ?
行走或跳扭屁股舞。
To walk or dance while twisting the bum 。
把它放到謊言語境中來進行考察呢?
What’s it place in the linguistic environment of lying?
在謊言語境中?
linguistic environment of lying?
老師,在謊言語境中最重要的是習慣,
In that environment habit overrides all,
是撒謊的習慣。
The habit of lying 。
只要一鼓唇弄舌就謊話連篇。
Lies just flow when the mouth moves 。
這跟扭屁股沒關係。
That’n nothing to do with twisting bums。
哪位同學有不同看法?
Any other views?
親愛的老師親愛的同學們,
Beloved teacher and classmates,
我認爲臀部是長在大腿上的一對大眼睛。
I think the bum’s a pair of eyes growing on the thighs。
當我們要達到一個目的的時候,扭擺臀部,
When we reach for a goal, we twist the bum ,
就如同向對方暗送秋波兒。
As though casting a longing glance 。
但是,這要掌握好節奏,
Yet ,it calls for good timing ,
不能過快,不能太慢,
neither too fast, nor too slow ,
波長不能太短,也不能過長,
The wavelength must be just right ,
就那麽蜻蜓點水似的,點到爲止。
Like a dragonfly skimming the water。
還有十分重要的一點,
Another important point,
扭擺這個部位的時候,
When moving this part of the body,
千萬不能動了真欲。
Never let lust take hold。
要像坐懷不亂的聖人那樣無動於衷,
You must stay calm like the Buddha ,
但同時不能讓對方看出來。
Yet not betray this to your partner 。
至關重要的是,
Most importantly,
不能只擺動腰胯上的筋與骨,
it won’t do just to move muscles and bones,
還要讓其中的血脈也動蕩起來。
You have to get the pulse going 。
這樣一來,
this way ,
富於經驗的眼光一眼就可以看出你半真半假的樣子、
Experienced eyes will tell you are only half engaged,
半推半就的意志,
The will just half engaged ,
肯定會成爲你的裙下囚。
Will be entrapped beneath your skirt 。
我來補充白子的理論,
Let me add to Baizi’s theory
以使之適用於男女兩性。
So it applies to both sexes,
男人擺臀,要不失威嚴。
Men twisting their bums must retain dignity 。
其要領在於更具隱蔽性。
The trick is to be more hidden 。
要將臀部收緊,使其堅硬而富於彈性。
Harden your buttocks, make them supple
在不擺動中擺動,
twisting without swaying ,
將挑逗異性或同性的目的和自身的飽滿欲望壓扁壓窄,
And suppress your lust and gratification ,
形成大小比例合規中矩的臀形。
to form a bum of appropriate proportions 。
我就能識破。
I can see through all 。
男人愈是不動聲色,愈是在搗著鬼胎。
The more controlled, the more evil a man 。
沒錯兒。
Quite so。
而且,男人下邊的那雙眼睛也不會送秋波兒。
And his lower eye cannot send flirting glances 。
論撒謊,你們的生理條件天生不夠齊全。
As to lying,Your physiology has hardly prepared you 。
尤其是這兒,扁扁平平的,
Especially here ,Flat and level
在我們看來,
in our view,
不是發育不良,就是早衰。
You’re either underdeveloped or already past it 。
臀部和胸部,
bums and chests ,
必須前後呼應、上下照顧。
Need to match 。
男人們沒有這兒,就等於沒有這兒。
A man without this, is like being without this 。
缺少了前呼後應,
with no coordination ,
上竄下跳的肉身條件,還配說謊麽?
Without bounce in you body, you’re not fit to lie
對,白子說得有些道理。
Quite so. Bazi has a point 。
在用胯用臀說謊的天賦方面,
When it comes to lying with your hips and bum,
男人的確弱于女人。
Men are no match for women
這就要求紅中和地雷每天要加強胸與臀的訓練,
So Hongzhong and Landmine need daily training
爭取早日長出一對豐盈的大乳房和豐滿的大臀部,
and try to develop big breasts and bum as soon as possible ,
以增強謊言的魅力。
To strengthen the appeal of lies 。
紅中的個別輔導我全包。
I’ll take on Hongzhong’s coaching.
我有祖傳的秘方,
I have a secret recipe ,
吃下去可以使男人的乳房在10天之內長得跟孕婦一樣碩大。
Allowing men taking it to get breasts like pregnant women in just 10 days.
他的事由我來管。
I’ll deal with his affairs 。
我保證3天之後讓
And see that in 3 days he’ll
他能翹著同你一樣肥碩的屁股來上學。
come to schoolwith the same tight fleshy bum as you.。
你用什麽方法?
By what means ?
掐,
pinching ,
揪,
Squeezing ,
擰,
twisting ,
最土不過的方法,見效也最快。
The plainest tricks, but the most effective 。
你這個醜老太婆,憑什麽打我!
You ugly hag,Why do you strike me !
就憑你是一個僞劣處女!
Because you’re a fake virgin !
肅靜!
Silence !
白子,你上課擅自打人,
BaiZi ,you’ve hit someone in class ,
這學期由公費生轉爲自費,
now pay your own fees this term ,
否則不許你上課。
Or else you’re banned from class 。
她罵了我,爲什麽不罰她?
She swore at me ,Why not punish her ?
罵人的話,有些時候得聽聽。
Sometimes you have to listen to such curses.
它們往往意味著事實和真理。
They ofeten contain truth 。
那,我長得醜麽?
So, am I ugly ?
不,不僅不醜,而且十分十分漂亮。
No ,quite the contrary. You’re very pretty。
哼,怎麽樣,
So there!
我忠實的男性鏡子證明我又年輕又漂亮,
My male mirror proves I’m young and hansdome ,
你們的眼光全都老化啦。
Your eyesights are all ageing 。
走,陪我到監獄中再照照那張小白臉兒,看他怎麽說!
Come with me to prison and help hold the mirror to the callow youth,See how he says !
(挎住紅中)
(grasping hold of Hongzhong )
見了他,你還會同意嫁給我麽,
Once you see him ,will you still marry me ,
你不會對他舊情複萌吧?
Or will you old passion return ?
騙子,
Mummy you swindler ,
男妓!
prostitute !
你是什麽人?
Who are you?
我可不是越獄的犯人!
I’m no escaped prisoner.
老大爺,能給我口水喝麽?
Grandpa, can I have a drink?
水沒有,只有乾淨的雪團.
There’s No water,just clean snowballs.
雪也行.給我吃點吧.
Snow will do.
你等等啊!
Wait!
我已經一個世紀沒有喝過帶有陽光味兒的雪啦。
I’ve not tasted sunshine-flavoured snow for a century.
你,蹲了一個世紀的監獄?
You’ve been in prison a century?
嗯。
Yes.
什麽罪名?
For what ?
誣告。
A trumped-up charge.
是真的麽?
Really?
爲什麽不上訴?
Why not appeal?
我找不到我的兒子,他是唯一的證人。
I can’t find my son. He is the only witness.
滿大街的男孩子,
So many boys on the street.
隨手拉過來一個,給他10塊錢,讓他作個僞證不就行啦!
Anyone will bear false witness, just pay him 10 yuan.
他比我有錢。
He is richer than me.
誰?他是誰?
Who? Who is he?
我從前的情夫。他綁上了一個富婆,
My ex-lover. He kidnapped a rich woman
還把我的母校給買了下來,就是你在清掃的這片地方。
and bought my old school where you are cleaning now.
過去,這裏叫草花3謊言大學,
In the past it was called Caohua 3 Lie University.
那時候,
At that time,
我們的草花3校長年輕、帥氣,
our headmaster Caohua 3 was young and handsome ,
渾身上下散發著唯有風流倜儻的男人才有的浪漫氣息。
emitting the tinge which only a romantic man has.
我是他這兒1001期學生
I was a student here from Grade 1001.
可惜,他爲錢把這裏賣給了我的前度情夫。
Alas he sold this place to my ex-lover for money.
你、你是二餅?
You, you are Erbing?
你怎麽知道?
How can you tell?
我是草花3呐!
I am Caohua 3.
你,是草花3校長?
You are the headmaster Caohua 3?
故人相見,沒想到都是淪落至此呀。
I didn’t expect that we meet in such a situation.
你不是得了一大筆錢麽,爲何也淪落到這等地步?
didn’t you make a stack of money? How did you fall to this?
嗨,人一有了地位,
Well, once you make it,
別人就巴結你。
People come fawning,
你一有了錢,就會去巴結別人。
And once you’re rich, you fawn over others.
這話怎麽講?
What do you mean?
有錢人除去錢一無所有。
The rich have nothing but money.
沒錢的人他就過來巴結你.
Those with nothing come fawning on you.
到了最後有錢的人也變成沒錢的人了.
So in the end the rivh too have nothing.
真慘呐!
How tragic.
你是厭倦了金錢,抛棄它而寧願掃大街麽?
You are sick of money, and you’d rather be a street cleaner?
誰說我願意掃大街的?
Who said that?
我的錢全部被那個說起話來像羔羊似的小美女給騙走啦。
I was cheated of all my money by that lamb-like wench.
不可能吧!
Surely not.
您是堂堂的謊言教育專家,怎麽會被她騙倒呢?
You’re a professor of lying. How could she cheat you?
她說爲她妹妹治香水病,
She said it was to cure her sister’s scent-it is
我就把錢都給她了。
So I gave her all.
真是太可笑了.
How ridiculous.
她根本就沒有什麽妹妹,
She has no sister at all.
只有一隻叫丹佛的小公狗,
Just a dog named Denver.
那狗還有狐臭。
Reeking of Body odour.
您怎麽能被一個小女人騙倒呐!
How could she cheatyou so easily?
你不是也一樣?
You’re one to talk.
相好了一個多世紀的情人,說跟人家走就跟人家走了。
To have a lover leave you foranother after a century together .
你在這裏等著看吧,
You wait here and see,
一會兒他就會來,
he will come soon,
還會帶著他花枝招展的小媽來這裏舉行隆重的儀式.
and bring his gorgeously dressed young mom for a ceremony.
我知道,就是爲了在這一天見見他輝煌的樣子,
I know.It was to see him in this brilliant moment
我才騙過了所有的獄卒,勝利大逃亡。
I escaped from my prison guards.
你是越獄的逃犯!
you an escaped prisoner?
您怎麽還這樣啊?
Don’t act like that.
哈羅,紅中校長,今天怎麽又結婚呀?
Hello, headmaster Hongzhong, marrying again?
上次娶了個老太婆,
Last time it was an old lady
這回又娶來個小姑娘.
This time a virgin girl.
哈哈哈哈,膽兒小如鼠的小新嫁娘,
Haha, a young bride as timid as a mouse,
別害怕,你老公犯了重婚罪都不怕,
Fear not. The crime of bigamy doesn’t bother your husband
你怕什麽!
why should you worry?
重婚?
Bigamy?
我這麽高貴,有身份,
A superior man like me,
有地位的人能重婚嗎?
could I be married twice over ?
白子,你告訴她,我懶得同這種人多話!
Baizi, tell her. I don’t want to waste my breath.
我,和他已經離啦,離婚證書在我懷裏。
He and I are divorced. The document is in my lap .
因爲我謀害前夫。
The reason is I murdered my last husband.
我自願解除婚約,
I freely annul this marriage.
雖然我還深愛著他。
Though I still love him
只要能保住這條老命,
just let me hold on to this life
我寧願給他們當使喚丫頭。
And I’d willingly be their servant.
嘻嘻,花瓣,把舌頭伸出來給我看!
My petal, show me your tongue
您看您多不檢點.
How improper you are .
請,請伸出那條有幸被巨國大帝咬過的小舌頭!
Please, show me the tongue that the emperor bit!
白子,還不過來.
Baizi, come over.
么雞老師怎麽怎麽了.
What’s up with teacher Yaoji?
她口吐百沫,暈過去了.
She’s frothing, and has fainted .
那變變變是怎麽了.
What about Bianbianbian?
他偷了么雞的錢包跑了.
He’s run off with Yaoji’s purse .
好了,繼續我和花瓣小姐的婚禮吧.
Ok, continue with my wedding to Miss Petal .
白子,奏樂.
Bai Zi, play!
跪什麽跪,我過去是你們的同窗
Don’t kneel. I used to be your classmate,
現在是阿拉伯的酋長.
Though now an Arab sheikh.
我們不敢.
we dare not
我的小花瓣兒,
My little petal,
上個世紀,我們好像很談得來。
We got on so well in the last century.
說,你心裏在想什麽?
So, what’s on your mind now?
我,我想帶著我的新婚丈夫一起嫁給你。
I, I want me and my new husband both wedded to you.
你不是一直都暗戀著我麽?
Have you not loved me silently all along ?
只是,那個時候你有一些生理缺陷。
But then you had some physical defects.
現在,地位和財富彌補了那些無關緊要的瑕疵。
Now your position and wealth make up for such flaws.
所以,我想我還是嫁給你的好,連同我的新婚丈夫。
So I think it’s better if I marry you, along with my new husband .
嘻嘻,嘻嘻,自從升了官,
Heehee , since being promoted,
這類掉餡餅的事兒接二連三,砸得我暈頭轉向。
such manna from heaven have been knocking me dizzy.
好吧,一起嫁過來吧。
Ok , I’ll marry you both.
不過,你可不許背著我與他偷情。
but no hanky-panky with him behind my back!
看你,嫉妒鬼,不會的,
How jealous of you. That won’t happen,
.
他一見了當官的有錢的,立即性無能。
With anyone rich and mighty present he goes impotent immediately.
可以理解,可以理解,
That’s understandable.
大凡男權社會的男人,都有這種通病。
In a sexist male society, that’s a common illness.
車馬炮,上!
Chemapao, come here!
是!
Yes sir!
紅中,站到這兒來!
Hongzhong, over here!
這兒,用你的臭手托起總理大人的尾巴!
Hold up the grand minister’s tail with your stinking hands.
聽好,我宣佈婚禮開始,你得給我們當管風琴!
Listen all, this wedding now begins. Start the music!
是是是,奏響婚禮進行曲!
Ok ok, strike up the wedding march!
久違了,二餅女士.
It’s been a while, Miss Erbing
我不是二餅.
I’m not Erbing.
紅中校長,你也久違了.
Headmaster, it’s been a long time.
還記得今天是什麽日子嗎?
Remember what day this is?
看看這是誰?
Look who’s here.
我不認識他.
I don’t know him!
是他!
It’s him?
爸比,是我呀,不認識了嗎,
Daddy, it's me! Have you forgotten?
我是你的私生子!
I am your bastard son!
媽媽,是我呀,我是你的私生子!
Mom, it's me!! Your bastard son.
我不認識你.
I don’t know you.
媽咪,爸比,我真想你們!
Mummy, Daddy, I’ve missed you so!
沒想到我今生今世還能見到你們!
I never thought we’d meet again.
爸比,多想您呀,
Daddy, I’ve miss you.
你怎麽連封信你都不給我寫.就連E-mail都不給我發?
Why didn't you ever write to me, or email me?
太忙了!
Too busy!
忙什麽啊,有什麽可忙的啊!
What with?
你看到這些人了嗎?
See these people?
每一個都得應酬,每一個人都得騙.
Each has to be entertained, and deceived.
我在樂園裏面長大,什麽是欺騙我都沒有見過.什麽是欺騙
I grew up in a pleasure garden, and know nothing of deceit.
欺騙是什麽,長得很漂亮,像天上的彩雲那麽美麽?
What is it ? Is it beautiful, like colorful clouds in the sky?
我的寶貝兒。在天上應有盡有的好東西,
Yes, my dear. The heavens contain many fine things,
在地球上都由應有盡有的壞東西來作代用品。
Though the many earthly substitutes are horrid .
有什麽爲證據.
Do you have proof?
比如說,比如說,
Let us take,
比如說,這個東西就是惡的東西.
For exmple, this, an evil thing.
拿著它,只要你恨誰,就對著他.
you can hold it and point at those you hate,
用手一扣扳機,就可以解決了.
Pull the trigger, and all is resolved
好東西!
Good stuff!
我聽仙子說,人分成男女。
the fairy says people are either men and women.
你們誰是男誰是女?
Which of these are you?
我是男!
I’m a man.
我是女!
I’m a woman.
你願意成爲女人麽?
You want to be a woman?
當然不願意。現在是男權社會,
Oh no. Not in this male dominated society,
女權主義的時代還沒有到來。
The feminism age has yet to come.
只好讓你死吧!
We’ll have to let you die!
你願意變成女人嗎?
Do you want to be a woman?
我、我願意,只要你別殺我.
I…I will. Just don’t kill me.
那麽,你說說你當了女人之後幹些什麽?
So, tell me what you’ll do once you are a woman.
像你媽咪那樣到男子監獄中去清掃衛生,帶孩子!
I’ll clean the men’s prison like your mum, and raise kids.
女人一輩子就只有這些事情可幹了.
That’s all women can do in life.
不願意浪費子彈,看哪里乾淨撞死去.
Not worth the bullet. Just find a clean spot and drop dead.
你是誰?
Who are you ?
你是女人?
You’re a woman?
你想變成男人嗎?
You want to become a man?
不!
No!
爲什麽?
Why?
男人沒一個好人,個個貪財又好色,男人是罪惡的根源。
No man is good, all greedy and lustful. They are the source of evil.
說我幹嘛?
Why scold me?
吊死去!
Go Hang oneself
親愛的二餅媽媽!
My dear mother!
我是你的兒子,是男性對吧?
I am your son, so a boy, right?
這事你早就知道.
You know that already!
你願意做變性手術,跟我一起過男人的生活嗎?
You want a sex-change, and lead a man’s life with me?
讓我想想!
Let me think.
你的時間也許不多啦。
You don’t have much time.
那我也隨你爹去了.
I’ll loin your dad then.
我可不怕死.
I don’t fear death.
怕死不是二餅媽媽.
If I do I’ m not Mama Erbing.
你自刎去吧!
Go Kill yourself.
你,多好,爲我的纖纖素手而歡笑。
You’re lucky, rejoicing in my delicate hands.
還記得麽,你愛上我的時候,
Remember, when you fell for me,
你還穿著開檔褲。
you were still in slit-bottom pants.
我妹妹正巧得了香水病,
My sister happens to have scent-itis,
你聞到那味兒就哭,大聲哭,像方才那樣。
whenever you smell her, you cry, like just now.
香水病,像法國香水那麽香的病麽?
Scent-itis, an illness as sweet-smelling as french perfume?
走吧,
Let’s go.
只有我對你的愛和尚未貶值的鈔票是唯一可以信賴的東西。
only my love for you and bank notes not yet de-valued are to be trusted.
還有可以信賴的東西,就是你。
The one other thing we can trust, is you,
我留下你,沒有給你當胸一槍,就是爲了這個時刻。
The reason I have not shot you is for this moment.
你,你是說,這個時刻,是你一直期待的麽?
So, you are saying you’ve been waiting for this moment?
對,把一切謊言都掃蕩得一乾二淨。
Yes, to make a clean sweep of all lies.
僅僅剩下你和我,
Only you and me,
兩個從一見面起就相互欺騙又相互愛戀的人。
Two who have deceived, and love each other from the start.
你果真愛我麽?
You really love me?
對,愛你,愛僞裝之中的你。
Yes, I love you, you in your disguise.
這一次,我可是被你騙倒了。
This time, your lies have brought me down.